Fixing the NBA

America’s third favorite professional sports league is the NBA. That I am completely confident of. The NFL is the top dogfighting, and the MLB, steroid scandals and all, is number two. The difference between 1 and 2 is far greater than the difference between 2 and 3, though, and I see no reason that the NBA couldn’t be a few shorts steps from leapfrogging already dethroned pastime. Click the read more button…….now

1. Get the referees to figure out what are and are not fouls. The inconsistency in regards to this is so heinous that it all seems random. Flopping is beyond rampant. I’m convinced a teamwith Manu Ginobili, Shane Battier, and Devin Harris could win the next World Cup. It’s absolutely nauseating. I can’t even get excited when my own team benefits from some punk ass flop.
2.  For TV telecasts, make the ball glow, so that it’s easier to follow.
3. In the last 60 seconds of a game, each team gets two timeouts. One full, and one :30. I even feel one timeout in the final minute would be better.  I’ve gone from room-spinning drunk to Mormon-sober during the end of close games.
4. The first round of the playoffs go back to 5 games. I realize the NBA would never give up the money, but did the Pistons really need a 4th game to prove their superiority over the Orlando Tragic? So, how about not having off days in between two playoff games played in the same arena? Game 1 would be Monday, Game 2 would be Tuesday, Game 3 would be Thursday, Game 4 Friday, Game 5 Sunday, etc. This is the playoffs. If you’re two weak to play a back to back, then you deserve to be at home with the rest of the losers, and forced to watch Grey’s Anatomy until the Finals end.
5. Instead of a championship tournament, determine the title with a slate of bowl games, feautring nearly random matchups. Then have the coaches and media decide who was the best.
6. Get Dikembe Mutombo as a color analyst. Hell, make him the play-by-play. Could you imagine? “Nash COOKIECOOKIECOOKIE Amare COOKIECOOKIE SLAM DUNKCOOKIE!”
7. Get Mike Fratello back on the sidelines.
8. Lower ticket prices just a little bit, please. There are 41 home games a season. That’s just 21 less than baseball, and the MLB has pretty damn reasonable ticket prices. The NFL has 8 home games a season, so it can pretty much get away with gouging, unless it’s a Raiders game…some o’ dem seats got cobwebs on ‘em. If I want to sit in the nosebleeds for $13 a ticket, I should be able to. And don’t call resort to personal attacks, like calling me a cheapskate, you gaywad.
9. Have the lane widen towards the baseline. This would open up the middle, and result in more motion around the court. 5 guys standing around until the shot clock hits 7 sucks.

So, there…..Suck my dick, David Stern. Just kidding. I actually like you, Sterny…kind of